Mediation - Being In Middle

Music is the mediator between the spiritual and the sensual life.

We don't realize but its true. Mediation is an integral part of our life to live or give lives.

In simple words mediation is negotiation to resolve differences conducted by some impartial party.

A structured dispute resolution process where an impartial third party, the mediator, meets with disputants in an effort to identify the issues, explore options and clarify goals. The mediator facilitates face-to-face meetings of the parties to assist them in reaching a mutually-acceptable agreement. Parties reach agreement freely, voluntarily and on the basis of informed consent. Mediation is assisted negotiation. As the "process expert," the mediator helps the parties negotiate efficiently and effectively. - Saskjustice.gov.sk.ca

From Latin mediare: "to be in the middle." Bringing about a peaceful settlement or compromise between parties to a dispute through the benevolent intervention of an impartial third party.

How will you mediate?

There are twelve suggested moves for mediator.

Move # 1 - Establish relationship with disputing parties Make initial contacts with the parties

Build credibility Promote rapport Educate the parties about the process Increase commitment to the procedure

Move # 2 - Assist the parties to access various approaches to conflict management and resolution

Assist the parties in selecting an approach Coordinate the approaches of the parties

Move # 3 - Collecting and analyzing background information

Collect and analyze relevant data about the people, dynamics and substance of a conflict Very accuracy of data Minimize the impact of inaccurate or unavailable data

Move # 4 - Designing a detailed plan for mediation

Identify strategies and consequent noncontingent moves that will enable the parties to move toward agreement Identify contingent moves to respond to situations peculiar to the specific conflict

Move # 5 - Building trust and cooperation

Prepare disputants psychologically to participate in negotiations on substance issues Handle strong emotions Check perceptions and minimize effects of stereotypes Build recognition of the legitimacy of the parties and issues Build trust Clarify communication

Move # 6 - Beginning the mediation session

Open negotiation between the parties Establish an open and positive tone Establish ground rules and behavioral guidelines Assist the parties in venting emotions Delimit topic areas and issues for discussion Assist the parties in exploring commitments, salience and influence

Move # 7 - Defining Issues and Setting an agenda

Identify broad topic areas of concern to the parties Obtain agreement o the issues to be discussed Determine the sequence for handling the issues

Move # 8 - Uncovering hidden interests of the disputing parties

Identify the substantive, procedural and psychological interests of the parties Educate the parties about each other's interests

Move # 9 - Generating Options for Settlement

Develop awareness among the parties of the need for multiple options Lower commitment to positions or sole alternatives Generate options using either positional or interest based bargaining

Move # 10 - Assisting Options for Settlement

Review the interests of the parties Assess how interests can be met by available options Assess the costs and benefits of selecting options

Move # 11 - Final Bargaining

Reach agreement through either incremental convergence of positions, final leaps to package settlements, development of a consensual formula or settlement or establishment of procedural means to reach a substantive agreement

Move # 12 - Identify procedural steps to operationalize the agreement

Establish an evaluation and monitoring procedure Formalize the settlement and create enforcement and commitment mechanism

With regards to divorce mediation, following are 12 techniques suggested by Steven Ashley.

Situate yourself so you won't be distracted by anything going on outside the mediation room.

Have your back to the window, if there is one.

Arrive for mediation at least ten minutes early, so as not to allow a dynamic to develop between the mediator and the other parent before you arrive.

Show up with an understanding of parenting options and have your preferences well- researched. For example, a schedule marked clearly on a calendar makes it easier for everyone to understand what the father's plans and intentions are.

Bring a complete record, including canceled checks, for all child support payments.

Be clear, logical and assertive, but not aggressive, when speaking or defending your position.

If the other parent sounds "blaming," ask what he/she needs from you in order to co-parent. You can also remind the other party that blaming undermines the mediation process. You have the option of asking the mediator to intercede.

Make a good first impression. When meeting with anyone in family law, show up well- dressed. Present yourself in a friendly, professional manner.

Stay focused on your children's needs.

Don't talk about what your children's mother did in the past. Avoid appearing bitter or vindictive, as you may be perceived as a parent who is unwilling to cooperate.

If your children's mother slanders you, you have the option of briefly reminding her of the most damaging thing she ever did to the children, then asking the mediator to take over. This can establish that you will cooperate, but not be a doormat.

Be prepared with other options. What is the least you will accept? What might you bargain or trade away?

If you can get agreement on 70 of what you want, take it. You can work on the other 30 later.

I agree mediation is not really that simple but we can try. Life is nothing but negotiation.

Further Readings

The Mediation Process - By Christopher W. Moore Fathers Are Forever - By Steven Ashley Portal : Conflict911.com